You Know You're In A Lame Band When----

[ginormous]

When you have a xylophone solo.
When you have a full time tambourine player.

A member of one of the bands I'm in plays xylophone, vibes, tambourine, 5-sting bass, lead guitar, glass block w/ mallet...

and glockenspiel.

[LesStrat]

Your primary instrument is lead banjo.

[Mincer]

- your band picture is either in an alley or in front of a brick wall
- you have the scruffy beard guy, the dreadlock guy, and the short haired tattooed guy scowling at the camera as if to say 'look how extreme I am'
- you wear makeup and matching costumes and don't star in 'Kiss Saves Santa'.

[Gearjoneser]

- your band picture is either in an alley or in front of a brick wall
- you have the scruffy beard guy, the dreadlock guy, and the short haired tattooed guy scowling at the camera as if to say 'look how extreme I am'
- you wear makeup and matching costumes and don't star in 'Kiss Saves Santa'.

Classic.....and so true.

If a photographer is pointing toward an alley, brick wall, or train tracks, F'in punch him in the throat!!!!

[Robert Delahunt]

'Kiss Saves Santa'.

HAHAHA just the mention of such a movie title makes me laugh.

... when the only way you get to play in the bar is breaking and entering after hours.

... when you have to bring your practice amp because your main amp won't fit in the back of the van.

... when the lead guitarist keeps better time than the drummer.

... when you have no drummer at all (sometimes that's a blessing in disguise).

... when the only way you can "get chicks" is to play for the old folk's home.

... when the ONLY band that will have you is the church band (and only because they have no one else).

... when the neighborhood kids will not let the lead singer go Christmas caroling with them (assuming you guys remember what this is lol).

... when the only place you can get bandwidth for your band on the web is MySpace.

... when the only women daring enough to claim to have seen your show and liked it are the spam robots on MySpace.

... when the bassist can't sing because his microphone is used to hear his upright bass because it's the only one he could find ... in the trash....

... when you go trick or treating and people you meet 1) know who you are and 2) remind you that your stage makeup is on.

[Axl H]

......When people tell you what to play at all time, especially leadguitar solos.

......When you are not allowed to wear your own clothes on stage because it is "unserious".

......When they refuse to let you use your superstrat live, despite it sounding thicker and fuller than the Les Paul BFG that sucks. (We were recording and I used those two).

......When you get told that Marshall sucks and to bring a Blues Jr.

......When you are from Denmark.

......When you play the latest breed of indie-rock.

......When you play a AC-30 and Telecaster because your new indie-hero does it (A thing that happens alot in Denmark, at least I am the only one ripping off Sykes )

......When you play bass in a rock band, and constantly complain of the guitar-player playing his leads out of tune, because you are classically-trained. (Another wonder from the music school. Chord progression was Em - C - A7, I play E-Blues scale, with a few minor notes, he tells me its major, dumb POS).

[FrankdiBrigandi]

You know you're in a LAME band when;
1.) Your Roland Jazz Chorus 120 is your main amp.
2.) Your soundman is your keyboard player
3.) You always play freebird first to get it over with.
4.) You have to back up an all girl band that covers the same songs as your band does.
5.) Your lead singer is Pregnant with the keyboard players baby, but she's married to the bass player.
6.) Your bass player islate for a gig cause he lost his eye liner....again.
7.) Your lead singer stole your bass players eye liner to stall him while the band tries out a new bass player with longer hair and no moustache....
8.) Your lead singer thinks he's Vince Neil but sounds like Neil Diamond and looks like Weird Al Yankovich
9.) Your "lead" guitar knows the solo to beat it by Michael Jackson.
10.) Your "lead" guitar player substitutes the beat solo in more than 4 Van Halen covers.... in a row and no one notices....
11.) Your 1978 pontiac lemans is the band van....
12.) Everyone in the band still has a mullett...
13.) no one in your band has ever heard of radiohead
14.) all of your lady fans looklike the offensive line for the oakland raiders
15.) your fans stand at the edge of the stage right in front of you and...eat fried chicken and snap their fingers.
16.) your light guy is the bartender
17.) you open with 2112 and end your set with every body's workin for the weekend
18.) everyone forgets how to start out the song "we built this city" and it upsets them.
19.) everyone has a haircut like scott baio
20.) the only reason you have a keyboardplayerin the band is because he has a car, and no one else does.

[LesStrat]

Your band is a two piece with you and your ex-wife...

[Blue Calx]

The locals have nicknamed your band "cigarette break"

[carpfishy]

When your band does a cover like this:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=FjeMDvCdrtc

[Empty Pockets]

you describe your sound as "melodic post-hardcore"

[Smilemon]

....when you only have 3 of 4 members,have half of an original song written and the singer is designing your album cover

Wow..... Have you been stalking me?

[Gunny47]

Your band is a two piece with you and your ex-wife...

HAHAHAHA thank you! You are the greatest

[Luís]

you break up before you first gig... true story.

[Stratman]

You know you're in a LAME band when;
1.) Your Roland Jazz Chorus 120 is your main amp.
2.) Your soundman is your keyboard player
3.) You always play freebird first to get it over with.
4.) You have to back up an all girl band that covers the same songs as your band does.
5.) Your lead singer is Pregnant with the keyboard players baby, but she's married to the bass player.
6.) Your bass player islate for a gig cause he lost his eye liner....again.
7.) Your lead singer stole your bass players eye liner to stall him while the band tries out a new bass player with longer hair and no moustache....
8.) Your lead singer thinks he's Vince Neil but sounds like Neil Diamond and looks like Weird Al Yankovich
9.) Your "lead" guitar knows the solo to beat it by Michael Jackson.
10.) Your "lead" guitar player substitutes the beat solo in more than 4 Van Halen covers.... in a row and no one notices....
11.) Your 1978 pontiac lemans is the band van....
12.) Everyone in the band still has a mullett...
13.) no one in your band has ever heard of radiohead
14.) all of your lady fans looklike the offensive line for the oakland raiders
15.) your fans stand at the edge of the stage right in front of you and...eat fried chicken and snap their fingers.
16.) your light guy is the bartender
17.) you open with 2112 and end your set with every body's workin for the weekend
18.) everyone forgets how to start out the song "we built this city" and it upsets them.
19.) everyone has a haircut like scott baio
20.) the only reason you have a keyboardplayerin the band is because he has a car, and no one else does.

This is funny!

[A Skater]

When you're 25+ year old, stuck in the hair metal 80s and open up for some crappy band consisting of 17 year olds who think Hammet is god.

[LesStrat]

When you open every show with

"Come on Eileen."

[tone4days]

when you find yourself trying to convince the others that you should not throw 'play that funky music white boy' and 'mustang sally' off the songlist cus people really dig it and get up to dance

when you try to convince the other bandmates that you shouldnt play 'josie' cus folks dont dance to it and instead you should substitute the eagles 'already gone' cus folks do

when the next 3 songs your band is gonna learn are '99 luft balloons', 'girls just wanna have fun' and 'time after time'

[LesStrat]

when you find yourself trying to convince the others that you should not throw 'play that funky music white boy' and 'mustang sally' off the songlist cus people really dig it and get up to dance

when you try to convince the other bandmates that you shouldnt play 'josie' cus folks dont dance to it and instead you should substitute the eagles 'already gone' cus folks do

when the next 3 songs your band is gonna learn are '99 luft balloons', 'girls just wanna have fun' and 'time after time'

Seriously, Bill has a point. When you are hired to entertain, your job is to ENTERTAIN. What's complicated about that point?

[80's_Metal]

when your stage is decorated with panties you had to borrow from your sister or even worse your mom!