the death of my neighbor (warning: not for the sensitive)

[ginormous]

I was getting ready for church this morning, and just as I was closing my apartment door, the dude next door comes running up. This guy's pretty cool; he helps others out all over the building.

He went down the hall, to walk a neighbor's dog. He opens the door (with the key he was given) to get the pooch, who practically tackles him. The dog was whimpering and whining, and bro sees the guy sitting in his chair with his eyes closed. Tries to shake him awake, but no response. Then he comes to get me.

I run down the hall, and I see something I'll never forget.

He's in the living-room chair, and I reach for his wrist. Cold. No pulse. I hold my hand to his mouth. No breath. I yell louder than Brian Johnson with his ass on fire. No response. I reach for my cell, and call my wife who's downstairs. She says "I know CPR, I'll be right up." Bro-next-door gets the house phone, and calls 911.

Wifey comes in, takes one look at him, and freaks. "It's too late, I can't help him, he's been dead for hours." She bursts into tears. I hold her in my arms, as she cries. We pray for his soul.

The ambulance, fire team and police arrive within seconds -- we're in the City Hall/county courthouse response district, so they drill on answering calls regularly.

The cops take statements. Apparently, there were drugs involved. He was recovering from surgery, after a major vehicle accident. He's gone... nothing but his dog left behind.

This shakes me to my core. Why didn't I help this man when I saw him last? How could I have helped him? Why didn't I get to know him better, try to be a friend to him? Did he have a chance in hell, and could I have been it?

[JeffB]

Bro, I've witnessed too many deaths so I understand and I feel for ya, but you cannot be down on yourself (your last sentence) about this. Celebrate his life, don't get lost in his death.


Prayers to you, yours, and his.

[Tor]

Sorry to read about your experience.. You have a warm heart, Reggie, so I am not surprised that you ask the questions you are asking.. There are a lot of people that could need some help, but they hide a great deal of their pain and grief under their skin.. If you ran out helping a lot of people that you found were in the "gray zone", just to make sure everyone got some help, even if they really needed it or not, it would occupy your life completely -- and even then, you might not even reach out to those that really need help.. There are so many coincidences in life.. Perhaps it was "just" a dozing mistake on his part..?

[newking70]

that's the best way to go in one's sleep.....nothing you could do...just be thankful for the time we have....

[jerryjg]

This shakes me to my core. Why didn't I help this man when I saw him last? How could I have helped him? Why didn't I get to know him better, try to be a friend to him? Did he have a chance in hell, and could I have been it?

The way I look at guilt is man up and shoulder the responsibility. You can't change the past but maybe in the future you can try and be a better person. Guilt shows that your are fully functional human being and that you are a conscientious person imo.
I also don't think one can blame onself entirely. We are only human and theres limits to waht we can do in a practical sense in most cases. Like I said, just try and be better if the situation ever arises again I guess.Thats the way I deal with mine.

[tone4days]

sorry to read of your suffering Reg ... i doubt with my entirety that you are to blame for anything connected to his passing ... this event is likely not about what you might have or have not done, but rather a preparatory learning experience for that which you might yet be called to do

peace to you as you heal from this upsetting event

t4d

[JB_From_Hell]

Wow.... that's awful. As the others have said, I doubt you are in any way responsible, nor could you have prevented it.

Good luck in coping and moving on.

[lpmarshall]

Sorry to hear that man.

[BTMN]

.....

This shakes me to my core. Why didn't I help this man when I saw him last? How could I have helped him? Why didn't I get to know him better, try to be a friend to him? Did he have a chance in hell, and could I have been it?

You could spent the rest of your days asking those questions and a trillion others but bottom line, and this IS NOT callous or flipiant, it was his turn and his torment on Earth is done. R.I.P. my unknown friend.

[RW James]

I feel bad for you. I know exactly how you feel. You need to know that there wasn't anything you could have done - it was his time.

32 years ago, my mom woke me up to tell me there was something wrong with my dad. I went into their room and found my dad dead in bed. I tried CPR, but really I didn't know much. Years later I learned it and the guilt came up all over again. Could I have done more? Could I have saved him? It still bothers me 32 years later. Death is part of life and we have to live with it.

This is now part of your life experience.

You did your best and that is all anyone can do. I wish I could say something more to comfort you - but with time...

[LesStrat]

Sorry you had to experience this, Reg.

Be available to others in the future. Do not let this experience hinder your service to others.

[ginormous]

It's one of those "there but for the grace..." moments, when I realize my own mortality. I've seen death before; I've lost my mom, my grandmas and my family pets. Hell, I've been in medical situations myself. But to see a lonely man, no fam to speak of, the ex- far away and not even interested, nothing but a dog to keep him company...

I've been in some bad spots before, but there were some people genuinely interested in my well-being. They called once in a while just to see if I was still on this planet. If it weren't for the next-door going to walk this guy's dog, no one would know or care if he was gone. I didn't know him well enough to ask about him, and I didn't even know his last name until this morning. That doesn't make me feel very neighborly.

[sosomething]

You can't change what has happened, but you can do him one final solid and find a good home for his friend.

[ginormous]

Apparently, he's got an estranged brother living in the next county, and the ex is also close by. The dog's an older fellow, and definitely has some weight and health issues, so the local shelter may not be the place for him.

[Wattage]

Man that is a drag. Not too much you can do about it though, the inital shock can be pretty heavy but you can't be involved in everyone's life.

Keep the thought in your head for the future and remember to reach out to your neighbors if only to let them know you are there if they need a good neighbor.

Guess that answers the cornflakes question though.

[ginormous]

Cornflakes? (edit: OK, I saw the other thread.)

AFAIK, the police are treating this as a potential crime scene, because somebody hit the guy up with some of that stuff Clapton sang about.

Here he is, in pain from a major accident (an SUV pulls out of a parking space and hits him while he's on a scooter doing 30 mph; fractured leg and pelvis), and some of "his boys" come around and drop a few cases of beer on him in the middle of the afternoon. According to witnesses, he's seen later that evening in front of the building, asking for a rock...

Where were "his boys" when he was in his apartment dying?

[B Bent]

Gosh G, I am sorry you had to experience this bro. I don't even know what to say, but hang in there man.

[lex666]

Wow dude I really wish I knew what to say at times like these. Be strong and I'm sure you and your family will see their way thru it. Good luck.

[ginormous]

Update: my neighbor's going to have a memorial service in nearby Melber (sp?), after which he'll be cremated. The dog-walker next door is adopting the overweight pug. His belongings may be donated to charity. Seeing him go so suddenly has been a reminder of how close I came... there was a time when I was in such emotional pain, that I honestly thought of turning off my own light.








Yeah, things were that bad.




With a lot of counseling, some prescription help, prayers, and some real love, I got through.
Things like this can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, IMO. If you think your life isn't worth living, then the pain and misery will seep in, and fill up every empty space. OTOH, things do turn around, and they can change for the better, even when it seems impossible. My life is a good example. I'm not a multi-millionaire, but I'm not as far down as I used to be.

Don't give up on yourself. Please.

[Gearjoneser]

Well.....there's the chlorine for the gene pool!