U.K. LONELY HEARTS
Bitter and disillusioned Glasgow boy - lately rejected by longtime Fiancee, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced b!tches!
Ginger haired bit of rough - gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
Aberdeen man, 50, in desperate need of a ride. Anything considered.
Bad Tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Orkney, seeks attractive 21 year old, blonde with big chest.
Grossly Overweight Buckie turf-cutter, 42 years old and 23 stone, Gemini, seeks nimble sexpot, preferably South American, for tango sessions, candlelit dinners and humid nights of screaming passion. Must have own car and be willing to travel.
Handsome Man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for night of August 27 between 8pm and 11.30 pm. No timewasters!