New girlfriend troubles...

[Agileguy_101]

Not the bad kind, fortunately. More the I-don't-know-what-to-do kind of issues.
So I met this girl that I really like. Even though we only met about 2 weeks ago, sex has already come up. (Or more like hasn't come UP, but that's another story.) Of course, I'm thinking about STD's. She's only been with one guy, but that guy was with other girls before her, and you never know where those girls have been. She hasn't gotten tested, mostly because she's like 99% positive that it's not an issue, but... I don't know.

Any advice? I just don't know what to say to her.

As for my previously mentioned probem... Well, I don't think that you all want to hear that, and I don't really want to talk about it where everyone can see it. If you know what I'm talking about and have any advice about that, please PM me.

[firebirdV]

It is very easy to have a std and not know it. Women can have chlamydia, ghonorrhea, or warts on their cervix and not have any external symptoms. Of course HIV does not have symptoms in its early stages either.

If you are active and not married or in a long term relationship, then you should probably be getting tested on a somewhat regular basis. This includes women. Condoms decrease the risk of getting these diseases, but in no way are 100%, especially against viruses like warts or herpes.

If you do not feel comfortable or have any doubts, I would tell her. I do not think it is unreasonable to want her to have a test. I can't help you figure out what to tell her though. Someone else can figure that out.

[ericmeyer4]

If you suggest that she gets tested you should do it too to be fair.

[Agileguy_101]

If you suggest that she gets tested you should do it too to be fair.

I can plead the virgin clause. She can't.

[DLT]

Nobody listens to my good advice so I am remaining silent.

[Agileguy_101]

Nobody listens to my good advice so I am remaining silent.

I don't know the members of SDUGF well enough to doubt your advice. Please, let it flow.

[dr. ad]

a word of advice: if you're going to talk about STDs, be a bit careful about how you phrase it;
the most free-spirited women can get real uptight real fast if they think you're calling them dirty.
and FFS guys, there's medicine for just about anything you can't see, isn't there..?

[firebirdV]

Nope.

Herpes and warts have treatments, but are not curable. Warts may or may not clear up on their own and you can get them lasered off, but that isn't really a cure. I don't think that the virus is understood well enough to know whether these cleared cases increases risk of cervical cancer like the lingering cases. Each of these can be caught without any external signs, and HPV (warts) is very common and virulent. Hepatitis is treatable, but very dangerous regardless. Syphilis is curable within a certain window, a pretty big window actually, but syphilis is bad enough that I would not want to have any contact with it whatsoever. You could lay an infected supermodel in front of me, and have the shots to cure me next to her and I would still hightail it out of there. After imprinting the image in my mind of course.

Pretty much any STD can be present without symptoms showing, so no. But syphilis, hepatitis and HIV are not too common among young adults in the US to the best of my knowledge. Condoms will go a long way with most STDs, but do not provide complete protection in any form.

I don't want to scare anyone, but I think that you should be well informed about what is out there. Also, I am mostly listing off worst case scenarios (except for warts which are frighteningly common).

[firebirdV]

Also, don't you want your first time devoid of any doubt so that you maximize the experience? You don't want to be going at it and then suddenly think "hey, is that little bump normal?" do you?

I wish someone would give another perspective, 'cause I feel a little like a paranoid older brother who never leaves his bedroom.

[dr. ad]

i'm hearing you on the (different types of) herpes, i know ppl with it and tested positive for 'the lip herp' myself, though i've never actually had a sore. maybe there is an STI epidemic in the US that would justify the puritanical paranoia about STIs i keep seeing here; i'm just saying maybe there isn't, maybe you should just talk to the women, and that unless the medical standards etc are different between the US and australia (when you get tested here you have to go into the office to get your results as they won't post them or give them over the phone) there's nothing to stop an irresponsible person with an infection passing it on to you anyway (people lie), unless you die a virgin?

[ericmeyer4]

I can plead the virgin clause. She can't.

If you have kissed another person you could still carry something unknowingly.

[Agileguy_101]

If you have kissed another person you could still carry something unknowingly.

Besides her, the last time I kissed anyone was more than five years ago.

[ibanezrocks]

It's just a classy thing to do to get the test as well. If you've already told her you're a virgin then leave the rest a mystery, there are other ways to be at risk that don't involve traditional intercourse and she doesn't need to know whether you have or haven't done any of those things. Get the test with her and clear both of your minds.

[Virtual Kevorkian]

Honestly, you're both probably fine. It's MUCH harder to catch STI's than people make it out to be... I'm not saying to be stupid and nonchalent, but I wouldn't have thought about asking to get her tested if she's only been with one guy.

Just wear a rubber and go to town.

[Forbes]

Just wear protection and get on with it, job done, no need to have all these tests and what not.

I've got a few mates who play the field heavily, with any old bint, no protection, in general they've been fine, a couple have picked something up once but nothing a quick course of meds hasn't sorted out. Granted you need to be sensible and wear protection, but other than that there is no need to get paranoid about it.

Seriously mate, just get a condom and have a great night with her, you need have no other worries. Asking a girl early in a relationship to get tested unless shes been a right slag isn't going to go down well, as a virgin you will need the condom on anyway to 'numb' it down a bit, or its gonna be over in two mins!

[Imp]

no.1 new-girlfriend rule - don't make her feel like you think she's dirty.

+1 on forbes's post.

[Animal]

Tarp up.

[Ken]

You both really should.

Convincing an 18 year old girl is another matter entirely.

I've not always been tested like I should have been. I've made it through all right for the most part... had one scare that turned out to be an umm...muscle strain due to a period of inactivity. I had to tell a few girls so they were aware and both immediately said "Well there's absolutely NO WAY it could have been me." Like I said, thankfully it wasn't an infection at all, but there were some tense conversations.

I've since decided that I'm not bedding down without getting tested prior. In the unlikely event of a one night stand, immediately afterward. I had no reason to distrust any of my partners in college, and the majority of activity was in the context of a monogamous arrangement using both protection and contraceptives. However, I'm not willing to take the risk of contracting something now, and expect my partner to be mature enough to know it's not about making a judgment on her past but about ensuring both of our safety in the future.

[Zerberus]

Besides her, the last time I kissed anyone was more than five years ago.

AIDS has an incubation time of up to 15 years

As such, you have kised someone before, and therefore you can´t really be any surer than she is.

It´s also the proper thing to do if you expect your partner to jump through the same hoop.

It´s IMO most definitely only fair for either both of you to get tested, or neither.

[elscorcho]

Tarp up.

why hasn't anyone mentioned this sooner?....sure is a lot less complicated (and fairly reliable).....once you guys know you're going to be together long-term you can get tested etc....