It's my birthday, and my wife's friend picked a fight with me!

[75lespaul]

Tacky, tacky, tacky! All because her husband ain't givin' her none, and she's all stressed out. And they're guests in my house (which I didn't want, but you know how it is). Ruined my day. I'm not a big "oh, it's my birthday, everybody love me" person, but geez...I would have liked for it to be a stress free day at least.

[kjrocks]

Definitely sucks bro, hope you squeak out a couple peaceful hours

[Lucid_Lunatic]

So, give us more details

[TheLivingDead]

Sh!tty!

But happy birthday!

Take a load off.

[Agileguy_101]

Get a load off.

Fix'd

[JMR]

wait.

Its your bday, and she is tense cause she isnt getting any?

The answer is obvious.

[Funkfingers]

^
Thread.

[Gearjoneser]

I had last Thanksgiving ruined because my wife promised her sister my old computer, which had 5 years of my personal info and pics in it. And everyone was drinking tequila. It was a disaster like you wouldn't believe.

[That90'sGuy]

wait.

Its your bday, and she is tense cause she isnt getting any?

The answer is obvious.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who was thinking that.

[75lespaul]

EDIT: Oh goodness; look at the pic that Bluesbend posted in the happy birthday ginormous thread. That is EERILY what she looks like, only about twenty years older and about fifty or seventy pounds lighter. That's weird, lol.

I love you guys (sniff!)...especially you Living Dead! Hmmm, let's see.

Frustrated because she's not getting any, and more details. I don't think there's enough room on the forum to type all that info in.

She's one of those people who is manic depressive, and has always been a part of some kind of church or another. She's also about five foot two, close to three hundred? She wasn't always that chubby, and twenty years ago was quite pretty, even for a fat girl, and her boobs are about the size of the girl's above. Because of her various religious beliefs over the years, she saved herself for marriage. Yep, no sex. I can guarantee this is why she never held a boyfriend. Would not even live with someone before marriage.

She made a pact with a guy who is twelve years her senior that if she wasn't married by the time she turned forty, she would marry him. He's blind in one eye, has had heart surgery, a kidney transplant, is very, very fat himself, out of control diabetes, eats what he wants whenever he wants, STILL lives with his mother (yep, she's eighty and treats him like a five year old), and once they were married five years ago, it was clear that he wanted a maid and not a wife.

Now, because of her beliefs and never having tried to live with him to test it out first, or even sleeping with him before marriage, she didn't know that he was impotent (let's not forget that she's still a virgin here). And from what she says, even if he wasn't...well, you could call him stubby if you catch my drift. She gave me a number, and it is less than four. Okay, we can figure out where the stress is from, lol.

This woman also thinks anything said is some kind of remark about her. The whole fight started because they wanted to spend their anniversary in Seaside Heights and the NJ shore. They booked a room online, drove from Long Island to my house in northern Jersey on Friday, and the plan was for all of us to leave Saturday morning and spend the day in Seaside, with us coming home last night and them staying until Monday morning. Then they were going to come back here and go home on Tuesday morning. I knew the hotel they booked a room at and pulled up reviews and pictures online of the pee stained beds, bedbugs, mold, stained rugs and much more, and they cancelled their reservation. This was yesterday around noon, and I thought they would have been out of the house hours beforehand, but they are pretty lazy.

Okay, she tries to book another room, but the rates are too high for them, so they decide to stay here instead for the whole time (). I was speaking to my wife and mentioned that I was disappointed that we weren't going down the shore (they didn't want to go at all now), and my idiot wife mentions it to her friend, who in turn confronted me angrily, wanting to know why I was mad at her and blaming her for not going down the shore. I was sitting on the couch watching a movie, and I didn't know what the frig she was going on about. I had totally forgotten about the comment I made, because it was just in passing, and I wasn't mad. I tried to be calm and explain myself, but she didn't want to hear what I had to say, and so I exploded. I'm Italian, I can't help myself. After everyone calmed down, I got in the car and drove around for three hours listening to The Dead Milkmen. Maybe not a good idea to listen to Punk when you're mad, lol.

Anyway, around eleven last night, after all the apologies and bullspit you have to do for freaking women, she kept going on about how she hoped I wasn't mad at her for not going down the shore. OMG, I thought that was all cleared up, but she kept bringing it up, so we all tried to tell her to just let it go. This eventually turned into ANOTHER explosion that lasted until well after midnight and her screaming that they were going home. Like a baby. By the way, every time there's a little disagreement, she freaks out and says they're leaving.

It all calmed down around 1 a.m., and today I'm just sitting in my basement doing my homework and studying and trying to keep it calm because it is her HUSBAND'S birthday, and I don't want the day ruined for him. In spite of all the stuff I wrote above, he's still a good guy, even though he's a spoiled brat.

Her religion is great, by the way. You are NOT allowed to live with or have sex with anyone before marriage, and you are NOT allowed to get a divorce, or you are banned from the church. So they are basically saying that if you make the wrong choice, you must remain miserable until you die or you can't go to Heaven. Plus, the MAN'S word is gospel no matter whether he is wrong or right and the woman must obey the man's every wish. When they got married, she has to say love, honor, and obey; he had to say love and honor. I picked that up and asked about it later, and it was no mistake!

Okay--for those of you who made it all the way; CONGRATULATIONS! And thank you for letting me vent. Compared to other people's problems, this is piddly spit, but it's nice to let it out somewhere. Thanks everyone.

[Lucid_Lunatic]

my house in northern Jersey ........... I'm Italian, I can't help myself.

Here's the short version.

[newking70]

have you considered a steely dan?

[Jessie's ghost]

have you considered a steely dan?

Good idea. You can get her a gift basket of CD's and other forms of Steely Dan-type products.

[Aceman]

Give this chic a bucket of KFC and kick her @$$ out!

Then, tell your wife to get on the phone with a decent looking friend of hers and get to working fixing your birthday.

When that is all done - get back to us. If that doesn't happen, PM AstroZ and ask how you should handle this.

[Aceman]

Her religion is great, by the way. You are NOT allowed to live with or have sex with anyone before marriage, and you are NOT allowed to get a divorce, or you are banned from the church. So they are basically saying that if you make the wrong choice, you must remain miserable until you die or you can't go to Heaven. Plus, the MAN'S word is gospel no matter whether he is wrong or right and the woman must obey the man's every wish. When they got married, she has to say love, honor, and obey; he had to say love and honor. I picked that up and asked about it later, and it was no mistake!

I couldn't read the whole thing at one setting. I'd have shot myself in the head just for reDING IT.

SEE THAT ABOVE? She wants it that way - give it to her!

She is NOT Manic depressive. She is a fat b!tch. He isn't a good guy. He is a spoiled b!tch.

And your word (with some level of reasonable agreement from your wife) should be law in your house.

Explain to your wife that this ribbon winning porker screwed your birthday, your pissed, and they need to go. It's her friend. Make it happen or else.

Then - as i said, your wife better get her Hooter's uniform on and beer and wing you all the way through the NFL today - and have something SERIOUSLY awesome in line for the makeup Birthday next weekend.

I'm forwarding this thread to the man card police.

[Scott_F]

Screw all that. Just go buy yourself a nice pretty new guitar for your birthday.

[Aceman]

Screw all that. Just go buy yourself a nice pretty new guitar for your birthday.

Way to keep your eye on the sparrow there Scott!

If he plays it right, I think he can get the hooters outfit, the threeway, and the guitar, along with an apology

[75lespaul]

Way to keep your eye on the sparrow there Scott!

If he plays it right, I think he can get the hooters outfit, the threeway, and the guitar, along with an apology

Actually, I got the guitar (the Epi was an early B'day present), got the apology, Don't know if I want to see my wife in a Hooters uniform, and if my wife had any hot friends, I'd have tried for the threeway already you fools! On a side note, she DID make it a happy birthday. She's a good woman. Her friend is the one who is woo hoo. Aceman, you and the other bros are hysterical. You guys always make me feel better, lol. Not that I really felt bad, but still....

[75lespaul]

Here's the short version.

Lucid, that made me laugh so hard I spit up a meatball.

[Lucid_Lunatic]

Muff Cabbage