so... I'm a homewrecker!

[LesStrat]

I'm sorry for your pain, FF.

[That90'sGuy]

Sorry Strato, but I gotta agree with the majority here. Having been the guy that "was cheated on", I've grown to despise people that were "the cheated with". You knew she was married and yet chose to pursue her nonetheless. Regardless of your emotions about this woman, the fact still remains that she chose to cheat on her husband without first divorcing him and I can promise you that the justifications and excuses that she's probably told you are more than likely going to be only partially truthful.

I hate to make it one of those "we told you so..." situations, but there will be a time when she does it to you. You're probably not going to "get" what's wrong about what you did until you've become so emotionally vested in this woman that her actions devastate you. Not trying to be cruel here, just being realistic. You seem to be pretty emotionally attached to this woman without really taking into consideration the feelings of this guy that she's spent so many years with.

I'll tell you one thing though, I'd hate to have been her husband. I've been with my wife for 9 years and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't know what to do with myself if my wife had cheated on me after as many years as they were together. It's just not right. If things were that bad between them, I'd be very surprised that it lasted that long and if the guy was pretty fair to her, he doesn't deserve to be done like that. There's some serious karma issues here, but I'll leave that to your own discretion.

Of course, if this whole situation is really as bad as she is claiming is and her husband is really that nonchalant about it, it sounds like a win-win situation all the way around. I can't help, but feel there's something you're missing that she hasn't reflected to you though. How can you be with someone that long and just not care? The general rule of thumb is that "if something doesn't sound right, it probably isn't".

[phil_104]

I'm still young to this world, but the only thing that comes to mind when reading this thread, is that I'd have a very, very hard time being with someone knowing that I got with her while she was in a relationship. If she did it to the other guy, what is stopping her from doing it to me? In my opinion, if people can justify it once and find it acceptable, what stops them from doing it to you? That would flood my mind for the entire relationship, until I'd have to end it. I could never trust her.

[Aceman]

At the end of the day - we all believe marriage to be a pretty clear contract.

The bottom line is that either StratoB was very very weak, too weaak to wait a month or two or whatever until it was final (if it was final) or simply completely disrepctful of the contract. All the flowers and the perfume and emotions and she said this or thats and the marriage was over justifications don't get around that.

So I have to consider that StratoB is either weak, or he'll come after my woman.

You just look bad bro - it doesn't matter how right you feel.

You wouldn't want your surgeon going "Well, this one is so close to finished, I guess i'll move on to the next patient" and leave a gaping hole in your side. So don't go around move on in a relationship until the marriage is actually OVER. I can't tell you how many people I've met that THOUGHT it was over and it wasn't. But they all sounded like StratoB.

[Aceman]

IME when someone screams "don't judge me" they are seeking justication for behavior that they already know is wrong.

Moral relativism is a doomed philosophy.

So true.

[lex666]

Ouch.
Lets all walk in each other's shoes.

My parents "lived" together for years before they divorced. I put "lived" in quotes becuz in reality they made opposite work schedules, never slept together, hardly ever seen together... We even moved to CA while my pops was in Boston... Talk about DISTANCE.... It was the most awkward period in my life... Their marriage was way over by the time the divorce was final...

[LesStrat]

Yogi Berra was correct.

[ItsaBass]

Yogi Berra was correct.

I've gotta "sig" that, if you don't mind...

[stratobastard]

Ouch.
Lets all walk in each other's shoes.

My parents "lived" together for years before they divorced. I put "lived" in quotes becuz in reality they made opposite work schedules, never slept together, hardly ever seen together... We even moved to CA while my pops was in Boston... Talk about DISTANCE.... It was the most awkward period in my life... Their marriage was way over by the time the divorce was final...

This!

Sorry u had to deal with that bro.
Most of the posts on this thread seem incredibly shallow minded, with no thought given to the workings of real life

[phil_104]

Most of the posts on this thread seem incredibly shallow minded, with no thought given to the workings of real life

I disagree. I think you are confusing "the working of real life" with your view on the situation. What people are posting here is the workings of their mind and their lives. It's how they operate. It's just not what you want to hear, and at the end of the day, it's all about how you feel justifying it to yourself. You're either ok with it or you are not. Still, you can't say people are not in touch with reality because they disagree with you.

[Aceman]

Ouch.
Lets all walk in each other's shoes.

My parents "lived" together for years before they divorced. I put "lived" in quotes becuz in reality they made opposite work schedules, never slept together, hardly ever seen together... We even moved to CA while my pops was in Boston... Talk about DISTANCE.... It was the most awkward period in my life... Their marriage was way over by the time the divorce was final...

It's interesting. But IME, divorces of people who take a long time USUALLY happen because one of them doesn't want it, or is trying to hurt the other person.

And the fact that this was the most awkward period of your life speaks volumes about the situation. But I don't really know.

But if your mom/dad are living together, I'm not touching EITHER of them with a ten foot pole before OR after.

The only message I'm taking is: They are horrible vindictive people that are more interested in hurting each other than moving on. Or they are horrible vindictive people that could care less about the kids when given the option of twisting the knife in the other just a bit more. Or both.

People are coming at this with all kinds of "the end justifies the means" logic. I counter that "the means" speak far louder than the "end" about a persons character and morals/values.

[newking70]

have you thought about going on the jerry springer show?

[stratobastard]

What don't you guys understand about the fact that two people can live together in a loveless relationship, for a multitude of reasons. Ie financial, legal, logistics, whateve

[Varg]

What don't you guys understand about the fact that two people can live together in a loveless relationship, for a multitude of reasons. Ie financial, legal, logistics, whateve

You should never have posted this thread, it couldnt end well. Im actually with you, and I hope youre happy, but you should have foreseen the responses here. You should also not value a forum like this so highly that you want to share things like this with the people that post here.
Thats not an attack on the forum or the members, its just an observation that this is only the internet and should be kept separate from real life in serious cases like this.

[phil_104]

What don't you guys understand about the fact that two people can live together in a loveless relationship, for a multitude of reasons. Ie financial, legal, logistics, whateve

Everyone here, without exception understands that. What people are saying is that it's still possible to end that loveless relationship before moving on.

You should never have posted this thread, it couldnt end well. Im actually with you, and I hope youre happy, but you should have foreseen the responses here. You should also not value a forum like this so highly that you want to share things like this with the people that post here.
Thats not an attack on the forum or the members, its just an observation that this is only the internet and should be kept separate from real life in serious cases like this.

Word.

[stratobastard]

have you thought about going on the jerry springer show?

You guys are affixing way more drama to the situation than really is.

[stratobastard]

JJ
I've been around the block more than a few time & I'm probably richer in life experience thn most of the people on this forum.
I haven't been insensitive to anyone, just because something has happened to one doesn't mean it will happen to another. Many have posted in this thread. That she will cheat on me, because they view her as cheating on her husband now, or because it's happened to them or someone they know.
I don't know how else to explain the fact that she's married only on a piece of paper.

[80's_Metal]

[LesStrat]

The fact is that she IS still married. It's not that difficult, brother.

I wish no harm to either of you. Yet my experience is screaming, "DANGER!"

There is a spiritual side to this. It's not just a technicality.

[Aceman]

What don't you guys understand about the fact that two people can live together in a loveless relationship, for a multitude of reasons. Ie financial, legal, logistics, whateve

We all get that - 110%.

and we are all saying that regardless, we aren't tapping that @$$.

If dude didn't call up and personally say to hit it, I'm not hitting it. As are not most people here.
If she digs you, it takes a day, a week, a month, whatever to get the business taken care of IF they really want it taken care of and it's easy to demonstrate.

I DON'T KNOW THIS TO BE TRUE BUT - if you can't wait it's because you are worried she'll go elsewhere, or she isn't hurrying, because she really doesn't want to lose the stay with hubby option.

I DON'T KNOW THAT THERE ARE NOT OTHER REASONS - but the situation deserves extreme scrutiny.