Two old friends run into each other at a bar one night. They stay until closing time and are both two sheets to the wind. One has recently married only a few months ago. As the bar closes the newly wed male tells his old friend that he is going to be in deep trouble with his wife for staying out so late.
He explains "I just don't get it. Every time I stay out late I drive home and turn the car off a block away. I coast into the driveway and don't enter the garage so she won't hear me. I take off my shoes outside so my footsteps don't wake her up. Then I take off all my clothes downstairs. Next I try sneaking into bed like I was just returning from using the bathroom. She always wakes up and yells at me all night long. Every time I start to fall asleep she just starts screaming at me again. It's terrible she won't let me get any sleep and then she expects me to be up early in the morning."
His friend, who has been married for several years, tells him "You are doing it all wrong. I speed down my street with my engine revving. I fly into my driveway with my tires squealing. I slam the front door shut as hard as I can and stomp up the stairs. Next I throw open the bedroom door and make a running jump onto the bed. Then I smack her across the ass and say 'I hope you're as horny as I am'. She just lays there and pretends she's sleeping."