I think you need to work on your right hand ,you strum hard, but i think your alternate picking sucks (actually, no ap only legato) . And it seems like you are hungry for notes, cos your eating them - not clear playing. Maybe because of weak distortion or maybe bad recording?
(27 sec.) - it should be one run and you divided it into few...Too much stress on picked notes, cant hear h/o... not good.
Nice try, but you cant perform it well. No excuse for how long have you been playing nor your age. If you cant play good enough, dont play fast, cos you re going to ruin you technique. And will suck forever...
http://www.monumentweb.com/Malchonka1.wmv - this kid is only 9 years.
P.s. This is my imho. No offfence.