Confessions

[lpmarshall]

Originally Posted by JOLLY

I've dislocated each of my knees twice.

Reminds me, I've dislocated each knee 4 times, and I've had 13 concussions.

[firebirdV]

When a freshman in high school, HBO gave us free cable for a week which only I found out about. So I found porno and was getting ready to go as two hot chicks kissed each other in a bath tub, when they both got out and turned out to have massive schwangs...

When I was confident enough to check out the channel a few days later, I somehow ended up on a true life hookers and pimps show. There was only audio, but it went something like:

hooker: "so how ya want it?"
john: "oh well I hate teeth, so -"
hooker: "well I wear dentures, so I'll just take em out" (proceeds to make sucking noises as she pulls dentures out of mouth, then proceeds to do the deed)

Scared me away from the adult channel for the rest of the week.

[bluesbend]

Originally Posted by Pink Unicorn Horsey

True. I'm at once a magical beast of untold beauty and the personification of malevolence.

Wit big wurds like dem, yaw definittly not from da big W. dere you.

[Carl762]

OK, I pee in the shower, too.

Hmmm, what else?

[baritone]

Originally Posted by JOLLY

I have a horrible temper. I can go off at the drop of a hat. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!!

I'm probably the nicest guy you'll ever meet.

I've actually given the shirt off of my back to someone.

I once died and was brought back to life.

I've done just about every single heavy drug in my life except for PCP.

I use the N word everyday, but I don't consider myself a racist.

I love the show Hannah Montanna, I think it's funny and it makes me laugh.

I've never had any self esteem in my entire life that I can recollect.

I might pick up a guitar for a total of an hour per week nowadays.

The only thing I've ever won in my entire life was a ham....and it was awesome!! lol

I love animals. When I was a kid I had a BB gun. I shot and killed a Robin and cried right after I did it.

I trip when people talk about low mids and all that crap. I have no idea what they're talking about. I just tweak my amp knobs til it sounds good.

I've had quite a few threesomes in my life. FFM and MMF. Those were great!!

I've never sustained a relationship more than 2 years.

I love cheese!!

I've been seriously depressed for almost four years now or so.

I hit a woman once....once!! I'm not proud of that.

I've been paralyzed from the waist down, had a tumor removed off of my spine, and had to learn how to walk again.

I called my mother a b1tch once. I was 13. She turned right around, smacked me, and I've never even thought about her being one since.

I think family is the greatest thing ever.

I've tried to commit suicide at least 4 times that I can recall.

I once threw a knife at my sister, she slammed the door right when I threw it, and it stuck in the door.

I've been arrested 2 times.

I got sued for a million dollars (maybe more) one time and settled out of court for $5000.

I've dislocated each of my knees twice.

I drove my truck into a light pole in a parking lot about three years ago while looking at some hot chick coming out of a Mexican restaraunt.

I backed my truck into my dentist's sign while looking at a hot chick when I was leaving his office.

My best friend/drummer blew his head off with a shotgun goin on 14 years ago. Wow..hard to believe it's been that long ago.

I like modeling amps, and digital devices for guitar.

The last time I crapped my pants was like 15 years ago.

I alot myself two days per week to drink booze.

The only time I smoke is when I drink.

I used to smoke at least 5 joints per day and a pack and a half of Marlboro Reds.

I love my mother.

I actually do love my job.

I absolutely cuss like hell. I'd say that at least every other word out of my mouth is a cuss word.

I've been to rehab.

Sometimes I think I have a sexual addiction as well. It's always on my mind!!

I knocked a dude out in one punch a couple of years ago for running his mouth to my girlfriend at the time, but I hate fighting.

I have actually screwed a porn star.

I don't really care what anyone thinks about me.

I've been bitten by dogs on three different occasions that I can recall.

I've had gilfriends that were squirters.

I once ate some dry catfood as a child. It was different, but it actually wasn't that bad at the time.

When I was 4 years old or so and living in Tullahoma, Tn.....I used to get in trouble everyday by Mrs. Parker (my look after kid's lady) for looking up and pulling up all the girls' skirts.

I've actually crapped in a shower.....LMAO!!!

They should make a movie about you. This is some intense stuff.

[Pink Unicorn Horsey]

Originally Posted by bluesbend

Wit big wurds like dem, yaw definittly not from da big W. dere you.

Woonsocket = NO

[LesStrat]

I like bread.

I also like Bread.

I don't really care for the Rolling Stones.

I've only listened to one complete album by Led Zeppelin...and the other tunes that hit the oldies stations.

I've been bored with birthday threads for a couple of months. I rarely open them.

Did somebody say

[B Bent]

I am in tears laughing so hard at Aceman's post!!!

[bluesbend]

Originally Posted by Pink Unicorn Horsey

Woonsocket = NO

F***in' right!! Dere yu!

[bluesbend]

I once had sex with a 14 year old.

















I was 16.

[Lazarus1140]

I skipped school once in my life (6th grade) and the whole town went out looking for me. I had to apologize to the principal, the police chief and the fire chief.

When I was about 10 I accidentally hit a girl in the head with a grubbing hoe. She was still alive the last time I saw her.

I am too old and supposedly mature for this, but sometimes I am afraid of the dark.

Once I followed a guy home from a bar …. a guy I didn’t know but who had pizzed me off. I waited until he went into his apartment and then I knocked on the door. When he opened it I beat the krap out of him. That was twenty nine years ago and I have never been involved in any type of altercation since.

When I was twenty I went to a new dentist. I didn’t fill out the new patient information sheet well enough to suit them so the nurse/receptionist brought the form over on a clipboard and started asking questions while I was sitting in the dentist’s chair. One was “are you taking any drugs?” I answered “sp33d and p@t”. Now, looking back with a clearer perspective, I think she meant medications.

I don’t want to retire. I want to have the mental and physical ability to work until I die.

Music is almost as important to me as people.

I am a compulsive user of both Germ-X and Hydrogen Peroxide.

Old women chase me continually. It is both a blessing and a curse.

If I managed my time better I might not have to work as hard and long as I do.

In the early eighties I sang “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around” with a very well known chick singer in Austin. I just don’t remember who it was. My memory sucks.

I only watch sports when the local teams are doing well. Basically, I have no real interest in watching other people play games of any sort.

I love my mother.

Beside my mother, sisters and daughters all my favorite females are married.

I am almost invisible.

I can be happy in the woods with only a BB gun.

[Lucid_Lunatic]

I'm hateful when I'm sober.

I have been on at least pot and nerve pills for the last 14 years with no more than 2 days going without.

I don't drink every single day. I would say I drink 5 days per week on average.

I'm a highly functional alcoholic. Most people think I'm sober when I have 12 in me. People think I'm strung out when I'm sober.

I haven't eaten a meal before 6 or 7 p.m. in over a year.

If I eat anything through the day, Alcohol doesn't do me much good, I just get full feeling, so I don't eat until I've drank at least 12 or more through the day.

I drink 2 double size NOS energy drinks every morning to supress any appetite the pot might give me.

I smoke on average 3 to 4 packs of Camel Wides per day.

I have only tried meth 2 times when I was a teenager and it freaked me out so bad it scared me away from trying other things like cocain and other hard drugs.

I have a tendency to over drink and act like a fool.

I can count my true friends on one hand.

I have never had an STD or even the crabs. (even I don't know how I've pulled that off)

I've given blood twice, but only for the buzz when drinking immediately afterwards.

My mother was a drug addict and hasn't been heard from since 1992.

My mom tried to kill my dad with rat poison in coffee before she left in 1987.

My dad got Hepetitis C from the blood transfusion after the poisoning and is the only 100% sober member of the family and the only one with liver problems now.

I was not allowed to attend my last 2 years of high school because of my "behavioral problems" They co-oped me out saying I had my own bussiness and passed me anyways.

I have no sense of time anymore. Things that happened 2 years ago seem like 2 days and things from 2 days seem like 2 years.

A telephone ringing tries to trigger panick attacks so I leave it on mute.

I have to do things in multiples of 7. Brushing my hair or teeth, the time I microwave food, how many sups or sips I take from a drink. How many bites of food I have before I take a drink, how many times I chew, etc.etc.

I feel like a different person everyday.

If I have anything to do the next day, even as simple as knowing I have to mail something, I can't sleep and almost have panick attacks.

I have been married 3 times and none lasted over 2 and a half years.

I look at my guitars more than I play them. I might play once per month for 10 or 15 minutes.

I puke in the shower.

I puke every morning when I wake up.

I accidently burned over 300 used tires once.

I stole an eraser that looked like a chocolate bar in 2nd grade and blamed it on another kid.

I busted the engine, transmission and a whole wheel off a Blazer when I plowed across a ditch I thought I could jump.

I flipped a friends S10 in his own driveway trying to show out for girls.

I left a dead racoon in a shopping cart like a baby at Wal-Mart.

When I was 16, I worked at Wal-Mart and mixed all the cleaning supplies together because the womens bathroom stunk so bad. Ammonia, bleach, pine-sol, anything I could lay my hands on. It made a noxious gas and the store had to be closed until the next day.

I stole a girls bicycle and rode it 12 miles until the sheriffs department stopped me one Christmas Eve while I was drunk.

I don't like Zeppelin or the Beatles.

I have a megaphone.

[bungalowbill]

I won 2nd place in a skate boarding contest.

I don't own a shower.

I have an antique claw foot bathtub and I don't pee in it.

I broke a girls tail bone in 7th grade by hooking my chair into hers and scooting back when she went to sit down...I still feel bad about it.

I basically only play guitar at rehearsal or a gig....sad, but true.

I am a terrible under-achiever....I was in the accelerated learning class at my school and I drive the short bus.

I have no interest in team sports of any kind.

I have panic attacks.

I can talk in front of anyone and say just about anything ...if my guitar is strapped to me.

My wife knows me better than I know myself.

I basically have no friends to hang out with anymore, besides my family, band and Amber's friends.

I once had a girlfriend that weighed more than me.

I had to move back in with my Mother at age 33.

I like old romantic comedies.

I have watched the original "The Women" 4 times.

I have broken both wrists...at different times.

and

I am still looking for my Virginty.

[The Golden Boy]

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy eveningwear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.

I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

[darnright]

whoah.....

1) I've attempted to play guitar for 45 years...still can't play for sh*t, but still love it.

2) scared to death of heights....I freeze!!!!

3) Hate cold weather, so I move back to Illinois from Kentucky?!?

4) I don't pee in the shower

5) When I get upset and worried, I buy guitars and amps and eat all the food I can find.

6) When I was six, I got into an arguement with my best pal, he was on one side of the creek and I on the other...so I peed in his mouth from across the creek. The tanning I got for that...I will never forget.

7) same friend around the same time...chasing him around his house, fell and ran my tooth into my tongue...the cut is still there...some 52 years later

8) My dad died when I was nine...I was almost 30 before I could talk about him without crying.

9) I was kicked out of high school about 6-7 times every year...cause I wouldn't get my haircut...it was almost down to my collar!!!!!

10) had a paper/sale flyer route when I was about 12...cold in the wintertime, so I stuffed most of the sale bills in an old wrecked car behind the local garage....didn't think about them moving the car...ever....

11) love baseball (especially little league world series)

12) football is OK, can take it or leave it...although I really enjoy the playoffs and Super Bowl

13) Absolutely love boxing and full contact Karate...have never watched the MMA or whatever it is.

14) favorite TV show...2 and a half men.....Favorite woman on the show...Judith (Alen's ex) she is so much more than just hot!!

15) Have played golf and enjoyed it...couldn't afford to play golf and buy guitars.....

16) been married twice for a total of 37 years...wow!! I will never get any of those years back!

17) never smoked..never wanted to

18) never done an illegal or illicit drug..also never wanted to.

19) lost my virginity to a 13 year old...I was also 13..still pretty much remember most of that evening

20) never been arrested...yet.

-dave

[Lazarus1140]

Golden Boy

I mean this in the most hetero way .... you are nothing short of amazing!

Please return my toaster oven.

[Evan Skopp]

I was a teenage mime.

[innerdreamrecords.co]

Goldenboy is the most interesting man in the world!?!

[Lucid_Lunatic]

Originally Posted by The Golden Boy

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy eveningwear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400.

My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations with the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven.

I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin.

I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

I nominate this for post of the year.

[bungalowbill]

Originally Posted by Evan Skopp

I was a teenage mime.

At least you found your way out of that box!